When you're a mom, you just *get* what other mom's are going through. The nonsensical rules your children make up that you must memorize and follow verbatim to keep the ship running smoothly... the preferences for waffles over pancakes but only when there's syrup, but if the syrup goes on TOP of the waffles and not NEXT to the waffles then you have to throw everything away and make eggs instead. You know, the daily sh*tfest that comes with running the ship in a house with multiple kids. Which is why this woman, Meghan Maza Oeser, is our new hero. And Spirit Animal. Spirit Animal + Hero. In fact, hold on while we buy this woman boxes of wine and send them to her with a Thank You note! We get you, sister.
So Meghan was heading out for a girls weekend. And as she did... She bid adieu to her husband watching the kids with the most epic note ever. The. Most. Epic. Note. Ever.
"Dearest Husband," she begins. "I'm writing this to you out of love, not fear. I wanted to go over a few things with you before you embark on this weekend alone...with the others." And thus she kicks off a 1,000-word warning / rules list / manual / cautionary tale to rule all others above!
Here are our favorite parts. (Though you can click on the image below and see the whole thing for yourself. And, by the way, how epic is her "peace out b*tches / bottle-raising power stance? Epic.)
1. Where she warns of the danger of the "threenager" falling asleep and messing up bedtime.
"It will get quiet...REAL quiet. This is when you'll realize that the threenager has fallen asleep somewhere. Do NOT let the threenager fall asleep. You're basically fucked if this happens. She will be wide awake until at least 1:30am if you're not careful..."
2. Where she coins a new phrase, "fuck pajamas" which we think should be the next big meme now that Phelps Face has passed its prime.
"Pajamas. FUCK pajamas. Don't even ATTEMPT anything but a nightgown for Penny. And if you cannot find a nightgown for Penny, keep fucking looking..."
3. When she puts the fear of all things biblical and holy and mythical into one phrase that should inspire Kraken-like fear in the hearts of men.
"Good. Fucking. Luck, buddy."
*drop mic and walk away*
Basically this woman is the bomb dot com. And pretty much The Entire Internet thinks so too because, as of the time this was written this gals post had been shared over 116,000.
You earned your vacation, mamacita. Hold on. We'll slow clap for ya...